I did it!

I successfully completed the three-month shopping cleanse! Yay! On the one hand, I certainly took advantage of every single loophole in my self-prescribed laws of shoplessness but on the other, I really truly did not buy myself one clothing, shoe, or accessory item in three months. Let's recap:

Black featherweight tee w/ sequined pocket - $0 with coupon
Gray flyaway cropped cardi - $0 with coupon
Tan yoga foldover pants - $0 with coupon
Blue cheeky panty - $0 with coupon
Pink leopard panty - $0 with coupon
Black leather over-the-knee boots - $0 gift!
Grand Total spent on clothes/shoes/accessories: $0!

I can't remember what I had for breakfast this morning, so I may be missing some of my goods from the past three months but the balance is the same. More importantly, I have been at the mall yesterday and today -- testing the waters, if you will -- and shockingly discovered that shopping has lost some of its allure!

Before the cleanse, shopping was its own hobby for me. I would travel far and wide -- up to three hours -- to get to stores we don't have locally or to find a great outlet sale. I had outstanding debt on my Express, Kohl's, and Victoria's Secret credit cards. I would buy things just because they were on sale, or a color I didn't already own, or for a specific occasion with no plans to wear them again, or because I imagined Carrie Bradshaw would wear it. On top of the problem that Carrie is fictitious and SJP has a stylist for the show (should I be fashion-fantasizing about Patricia Field, perhaps?), I also blew all of my income on clothes.

Small sidebar - how unfair is it that Carrie Bradshaw, freelance writer with what appears to be no steady job besides the stint at vogue and the occasional book release, can afford a Manhattan apartment with a walk-in closet as well as an oil-heir's inheritance worth of chanel, dior, prada, manolo blahnik, and christian loubitain? Meanwhile I make a pretty damn respectable living for a yuppie fresh out of college and when I go a little wild at Express I end up so strapped by the 30th I contemplate how much I might make from donating my eggs!

After the cleanse, the change is tangible. Tonight, for example: I was in the mall for three hours and left with only handsoap & a small candle. I started with a pedicure - if you live near Worcester, MA, check out my review of Creative Nails & Spa at Soloman Pond Mall here. Then I wandered around for a bit: checked out new UGGs at Journey's, vintage Versace sunglasses at Sunglass Hut, even picked out a few tank tops at Express, but it wasn't the same as before! I think this is a good thing -- if my desire for something is so strong that it overpowers my newly developed shopping ambivalence, then it must mean I really want it. That was not the case tonight, but I think that was always the ultimate goal: to overcome the shopping reflex.

Mission: Accomplished.

Thank you to everyone who put up with my whining, my obsessive need to spend coupons before they expired, a plethora of "I wish I could buy that" 's, and followed my self-inflicted, so-called impossible journey!

Stay tuned for Beer Budget - my new blog and the aftermath of my shopping cleanse!

The award goes to...

Nordstrom! For being the worst-timed, best-priced, most-wanted sale this year. It began July 16 and ends August 2nd, one day after the culmination of the shopping cleanse. Of course, the only things left in Nordstrom on August 2nd are the 2X, 18W, XXS, or teal-magenta-mustard tie-dye $80 tank tops that no one wanted. Even I, in my newly free-to-shop euphoria, will not waste my money on the unwanteds on the last day of the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale. Pass!

There are three days left. I know I will unquestionably make it through the cleanse, because passing up on those $159 Cole Haan ankle booties with Nike Air technology -- can you image how comfortable they would be at work?! -- was the hardest test yet and I made it through with flying colors (although in all fairness, the only reason I probably succeeded was because I couldn't find them in the Nordstrom shoe department!). The past week has been exceptionally difficult and I haven't cheated but I have made gratuitous use of my "gifts are allowed" loophole. Chris owed me money from our camping trip, so he has been repaying me in the clothes that I want. Not really allowed, but I was smart about what I "received"! Short sleeve button-down work shirt: $14, LBD tube dress $5, sky blue cropped tee (which I've already worn TWICE) $5, and a gauzy, sharkbite style gray burnout tee with acid green details $6. Not bad if you ask me, and not extravagant -- I didn't even use up my full ChrisCredit! Only the things I really wanted that I thought were a good bargain.

I have also been milking the freebies for all they are worth. Free panty coupon from Vicky's -- USED! (ANOTHER) Free $15 gift at Express -- I swear, I haven't put anything on my Express card in ages and they are sending me these coupons to tempt me into the store; little do they know they are dealing with an expert and I can spend exactly $15 with my eyes closed! -- spent on an adorable cropped flyaway cardi with lace trim.

Because I presented to some territory leaders at my job, I was sent a $100 gift card. Everyone, and I mean everyone in my office has told me to spend it on the things that I want in the store -- which may or may not be hanging on a hook next to my desk, I plead the fifth -- but I have resisted! Because the gift card has no expiration date, it is not within the rules of spending. Big self-pat on the back for me.

On a different note, a friend of mine sent me this link in the New York times about women who have embarked on their own versions of shopping diets. On Sixitemsorless.com, they conducted an experiment that started June 21, 2010. The participants had to choose six items of clothing and wear only those six items for one month.

"There are exceptions that don’t count towards the six: undergarments, swim wear, work-out clothes, work uniforms, outer jackets (rain slicker, outdoor jacket), shoes and accessories. You can get multiples of the same item for laundry purposes, but different colors count as separate items. Or you can tell us to stuff it and make your own rules."

Then there is the juiced-up, beefed-out, turbo-charged version of my own measly cleanse: The Great American Apparel Diet. For one year -- one whole year -- participants cannot buy any clothes. Shoes, accessories, undies, all fine. No clothes. One year! Even with the shoes and accessories clause, I don't know if I could make that kind of commitment. I got jitters when I signed my apartment lease and apartment-renting isn't even on my list of favorite pastimes. Let me reiterate: no buying clothes for one year! My stomach is in knots just thinking about it. Although, upon reflecting, I have made it through my own birthday, a corporate presentation, many nights out, vacations, and lazy days of all kinds without caving in to the pressures of wardobe updates. Maybe, just maybe, I could make it through a year. But why would I want to?

I think the most interesting part of the Six Items & Apparel Diet cleanses is the fact that they are out there. I read the article about the woman on Yahoo who didn't shop for five months and thought, "Hey I can do that!" and I went for it because clearly I have an addiction and I would buy a toilet-scented-candle if it was on sale. I made my own rules, my own timeline, and went for it. I had no idea that this was a nation-wide phenomenon, and while I knew Recessionista was a cute tag-line for the type of clearance shopping that I lovingly call "dumpster diving", I didn't realize it was becoming so mainstream. Some women are doing it for philosophical reasons: anti-consumerism, separating oneself from ones possessions, etc. Some are doing it like me, to break to the vicious cycle of retail addiction and get back to normal shopping for what we want or need rather than ending up in the mall during a retail craving blackout and having no memory until you walk out of the building $500 poorer and 8 bags heavier. It seems most are doing it for the savings: despite all the reports of economic up-turn, the economy we actually live in and experience still sucks. People are still getting laid off, and the dollar still isn't worth much. Add up all those and then look at what you spend in shopping and it starts to make you nervous. If you got laid off, how much of your wardrobe would you try to pawn off on Plato's Closet for pennies on the dollar of the price that you paid? My reasons certainly aren't political, but I must agree: if I took a dollar amount inventory of my closet, what kind of investment are we talking here? $5,000? $10,000? That's a lot of money to be staring you in the face if you are out there applying for jobs without luck. Just saying...

Amendment 1(A): Freedom of Spend

As the cleanse winds down into the last month of this shop-free trifecta, I've been segueing from shop-free into shop, free. I have been using my birthday coupons (the ones with expiration dates!) and overcoming the obstacles to walk away with some great swag compliments of Express, Vicky's, Kohl's, Macy's, and more. Yesterday I went to Vicky's to spend my free $10 the day of its expiration (!!) and scored with a 1/2-off-the-clearance-price pair of beige foldover yoga pants for $7.49 and a cheeky panty for $2.99. Now I know what you're thinking: "Wait a minute, that would put you over the $10 mark by 48 cents!" Which brings me to amendment 1(a) to the Shopping Cleanse Constitution: freedom of spend. An intern at work came up with it, and because it allows me to spend (a little!) it's obviously brilliant. It goes like this: if I end up paying less than a dollar out of pocket, it doesn't count. I mean, please, I spend more than that on a venti-shaken-iced-passion-tea-light-ice-three-pump-classic at Starbucks, helloooo! And at least I get more than 37 seconds worth of pleasure out of my yoga pants -- wearing them right now -- and yes, that's how long it takes me to drink a venti iced tea. What can I say; addicts replace one addiction with another, right?

So, on my swag-a-thon, I have been able to get: a 4-pack dish cloth & kitchen towel set in yellow because we still have "ho ho ho" towels in the kitchen = 21 cents; yoga pants + panty = 48 cents; 2 beach towels for vacation in cape cod = 86 cents each; three shadow boxes with sea shells as wall art slash memories from our cape vacation = free because Chris bought them for us! Win, win, win!

These great buys have made me think about the future of ColdTurkey: what will become of it after my cleanse culminates and I fall off the shopaholics anonymous wagon with a resounding thud and go wild grabbing discount Aldo's flats for work, clearance priced DSW Anne Klein espadrilles & Steve Madden suede clog ankle booties, 40% off shark-bite 3/4 length sleeve flutter tops to go with my over-the-knee boots, always-on-sale silk 80's inspired tanks by LC Lauren Conrad, and almost-free-with-my-coupon summer/fall oversized short sleeve drape cardis by Elle? I'll tell you what happens: I'll share the goods. Well, not my actual goods, what do you think I am, crazy? But I will share my knack for picking up amazing deals and some that really should be steals...but aren't, I promise. I will create a chic-ocracy with its own constitution. It won't be the next couponmom.com or clipperscrazy.org, but it will give you all my secrets to creating a jam-packed wardrobe full of options: Gucci on a Gap budget. Okay, maybe more like Coach on a CVS budget, but you get the idea.

The new blog will launch on August 2, 2010. Until then, Cold Turkey will continue to immortalize the saga of shoplessness that consumes my life. Ideas for the new blog title are welcome & can be posted in the comments section!

Throwing in the towel!

No, not in the figurative, "I quit" way, in the "need-beach-towels-for-this-weekend-in-the-cape" way! After a discussion with Chris, we agreed that having no beach towels whatsoever and having a cape weekend planned constitutes "necessity" and therefore buying two beach towels would not break the cleanse.
As for the cleanse overall - still on the wagon! I had a brush with failure the other day during ticketing clearance; it has been almost 2 whole months since I have bought a new outfit, new shoes, a candle, something to hang on the wall, a rug, literally.. anything! Going through the adorable Elle tops, perfect work blouses, tailored pants, dresses, a kelly green Daisy Fuentes jacket for $7.20 in my size!!! It was almost too much.

My big fear is that come the end of the cleanse, I'm going to Kirstie Alley in a big way.
What's the difference between these two pictures in pounds...100? 125? I've never been good with weight estimates, but the point is Kirstie got on Jenny Craig, lost a ton of weight, felt great and looked even better. Then she stopped the program and ballooned into "Fat Actress" and "My Big Fat Life" with an extra Olsen twin's worth of weight strapped on. It is going to be a major challenge to not become the posterchild for shopaholics anonymous after this whole thing is over. I have put off buying so many things, updating my work wardrobe, picking up a shark-bite tee, a new perfectly fitting pair of jeans or just-short-enough jean shorts, summer sandals or espadrilles for work. And in just over a month, I will be free to buy them all!

I'll be taking applications for sponsors for the next 6 weeks. Black Card holders need not apply.

Aggravaching

The wedding was this weekend - it was absolutely gorgeous! After all of the bridesmaid duties have finished, it was so worth it. Alli looked spectacular and we all had such a great time all day long. From a shopping cleanse point of view, now I can start seeing a return on my non-investment! Thank God because it could not have come at a better time...

I went to go use my Express & Victoria's Secret birthday coupons ($15 & $10 off, respectively). No one wants to give you the time of day unless you're spending. Maybe I forgot because I usually am the one signing my paycheck over to the store manager, but cash is king. I asked the fitting room associate at Express if she would let me use two coupons on this adorable shark-bite 3/4 sleeve gauze tee ($29.50 - $15 off $30 coupon + $15 off birthday coupon = $0), and she said no problem. I get up to the register and they realize I only have the one item and all hell breaks loose. Associates are paging managers on the walkie-talkies, and I can tell they are all glaring at the clearly lower-class girl who thinks she can get away with getting things for free. HA! They would show me...and they did. I ended up being denied the double coupon deal and had to settle for a $14.75 tee. I still used my $15 birthday coupon so who gets the last laugh!?

So after a half-win, I headed to Victoria's Secret to pick up a free panty with my $10 gift coupon. I grab a cute little $8.50 cheeky and head to the register, where the girl is a little too happy to tell me that I have to spend at least $10 to use the coupon. I pointed out to her that nowhere on the coupon does it say that, and she gives me the age-old line: "The system just won't let me do it." Uh, lady, I live and breathe retail. In fact, I worked at Victoria's Secret and I happen to know that the system absolutely will let you do it, and you just don't feel like it. But for $8.50, I keep all of these thoughts to myself. I looked around for something for $10, but nothing for $10 was anything I wanted - and the second-cutest panty was $10.50 and by golly I was sticking to my guns. Finally I got so frustrated I just left, sans panty, sans freebie.

Round two and a new idea: what if I go and spend the $10 on something exactly $10 that I don't really want, return it for merchandise credit, and use the merchandise credit for something I actually do want...? I think somehow I could make that work. I'll keep you all updated of course.

Basically it was 25% win and 75% aggravation. I literally was bolting for the door of the mall after only hitting two stores! Maybe the cleanse is working, because I tend to gravitate toward the entrance, not the exit. If I keep shopping with coupons and discounts, I think the general frustration will keep me from buying anything extravagant. Ultimately, I will only end up with things I earned through extreme frustration and hours spent arguing about fine print. I might not be spending dollars, but I sure will end up spending hundreds of minutes of my life that I will never get back. Because after all, there's no such thing as a (totally) free lunch.